I think the title of this post is pretty clear.
In the last three months I have had three of my childhood friends announce that they are pregnant. One of them is younger than me and already has a two year old daughter. The other got pregnant a month before her wedding and the other one is in a terrible on again off again relationship. For the last month or so I have been telling my husband that I suspect that before Christmas our sister in law (SIL) will be announcing that she is pregnant as her son is turning two in December and she expressed to me that she went off birthcontrol (BC) so they can prepare for ttc again. This was a red flag for me because I KNOW that men do not go from not using condoms to using them again. I knew it was only a matter of time.
The last few days I have been dreading Thanksgiving because I was terrified that she would announce a pregnancy and I was not sure how I would handle a pregnancy announcement ambush. As we were walking out to the car my husband looks at me and his exact words were "Just so you are prepared, Amy is pregnant" My heart sank. I know I should be happy for her and not as jealous as I am, as she is 35 (I think?) which is 15 years older than me, so time isn't exactly on her side like it is on mine. I just can help but feel this rediculous envy for what she has. I think a big part of it is that we don't make alot of money so we pinch pennies to be able to afford our treatments. Where her husband is a doctor so they could just right out a check for something even as expensive as IVF. I realize that I selfishly think that having money would make this less difficult but I guess the way I rationalize it is that with more money we wouldn't have to wait as long for our baby because we wouldn't have to save for as long and certain treatments wouldn't be off limits because we lack the funds.
It is four in the morning now and I just keep writting because if I don't than I will just lay in bed with all of these thoughts going through my head and that always leads to a silent meltdown (so I don't wake my husband).
Let's see, what else can I talk about... How about that Duggar women? She announced a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant with her 20th child!!! That's just greedy!
Injectable cycle has been moved!
We were going to do our injectable cycle with IUI in January because we were planning on going to Arizona in december but we decided to move out vacation as all of my husbands siblings are going down at the same time and there is only one car. Nick's sister insists that her and her daughter get the car (even though we planned this trip a month before she spontaniously bought her tickets down there) so we decided that we don't want to spend our only vacation since our honeymoon cooped up in a tiny house because we don't have a ride anywhere. So we will do our IUI in December. Cycle day 1 (CD1) should be on the first of the month so I predict if all goes well I will get the HCG trigger shot on the 14th give or take and I should be able to take an accurate test by the 28th although I know I will test sooner and I will probably know by Christmas. This means that we will not be seeing Nick's family for that holiday, because if our IUI fails I do not want to be stuck at his brothers house listening to everyone talk about how awesome it is that Amy is pregnant again or listen to Amy complain about being pregnant. I would feel terrible for punching a pregnant women in the face. Just saying.
So I don't really have anything else to say right now but even at 4:20 in the morning I am still not tired as all of this crap is still racing through my mind and unfortuatly there is only infomercials on TV right now and sadly the insomnia means I have seen them all.
So I must find something else to occupy my time. Good night world I hope you are sleeping better than me.
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