This last weekend after a long conversation with my husband I had a new found feeling of optimism. This feeling led me to "come out" to a lot of people about our struggle with infertility. It also helped me to realize that I wasn't doing anybody any good by just letting myself float through life feeling sorry for myself. It definitely wasn't helping me and it wasn't helping anyone else experiencing infertility. I then decided to make it my mission to tell everyone that would listen about our struggle, not for sympathy or for pity but because I thought that maybe just maybe the reason that we were going through this was because it was our purpose to educate others. I couldn't bare the thought that we were struggling for a baby just because we drew the short straw. I started to talk to a couple of friends. I tried to inform them about the infertile world. I think I got through to at least one of them. They had the "Oh, I think I get it." look.
So this leads us to today, there is a girl that I have known since middle-school that is pregnant. Today she announced that she is pregnant with twins. My heart skips a beat when I write that. Ever since we started fertility treatments I have told my husband that I would love to have twins. I would be happy with just one baby but I am just not sure I want to go through the emotional roller coaster and the huge expense of the treatments for a second time. So of course I took it pretty hard when I found out that this girl that didn't even try to get pregnant was having twins. This led me to text a "good friend." just to bitch about how it wasn't fair that this girl was having twins and that I wanted twins and I told her why I wanted twins. My "friend" preceded to tell me that twins were so much harder to handle than one and that I am young so I should wait a few years after I have my first to try for my second. I tried telling her that she didn't understand and that infertility is hard and painful. She then compared people being mean to her in high-school and her getting pregnant by accident in college when she didn't want a baby to the emotions I am feeling about infertility. She also added that I am making people around me miserable. I didn't respond. What she said hit me pretty hard and it made me think about how much I have been bitching to people that have absolutely no clue what I am going through nor do they care. So in the span of a few days I went from making it my mission to inform others about infertility to not wanting to talk to anyone about it because I really don't think that they will care, as long as it doesn't effect them directly they couldn't give a shit. People are selfish, yet it is all of these selfish people that get everything that they want. I am just so frustrated! Should I just ignore this one thoughtless person or am I really just making everyone miserable? Should I simply only talk about this stuff with others that have been there or should I stand my ground and still try to get through to all of the ignorant people out there? Will it really do any good?
On a side note, I would like to say that I appreciate all of my friends that will sit there and listen to me bitch even if you don't know what to say at least you listen without offering pointless advice. Thank you.
Have a good night everyone.
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